Archive for February, 2010


Movie – The Book of Eli

The Book of Eli (Google It) (Wikipedia) has very deep meaning that if you hate to think while you are watching a movie, you might not enjoy it. I like the way how the story slowly and slowly reveal what has happened in the past, clearing all of our guessing one by one.

Synopsis from imdb.com:
Eli (Denzel Washington) has been on a journey for 30 years, walking west across America after a cataclysmic war that turned the earth into a total wasteland. The world has become a lawless civilization where people must kill or be killed. The barren roads belong to gangs of cutthroats who rob and kill for water, a pair of shoes, a lighter, or just for fun. Eli is a peaceful man who only acts in self defense, and becomes a warrior with unbelievable killing skills when he is challenged. After the war and the "Big Flash", Eli was guided by a higher power to a hidden book and given the task of protecting the book and taking it to its final destination. Eli guards the book with his life, because he knows that the book is the only hope that humanity has for its future.

   

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Movie – Little Big Soldier

Little Big Soldier (Google It) (Wikipedia) is another Chinese New Year (CNY) (Google It) (Wikipedia) starred, produced and written by the megastar Jackie Chan (Google It) (Wikipedia). Similar to Shinjuku Incident (Google It) (Wikipedia), this movie has lesser actions than yesteryear Jackie Chan’s movie. I guess that with his age, we will be seeing more of Jackie Chan’s movie with lesser actions. Although not as enjoyable as another CNY movie this year, the 72 Tenants Of Prosperity (Google It) (Wikipedia), it’s still fun to watch Jackie Chan and Wang Lee Hom (Google It) (Wikipedia). It’s my second time to watch Wang Lee Hom’s acting in a movie, after Lust, Caution (Google It) (Wikipedia).

Synopsis from wikio.com:
Little Big Soldier Mandarin Film Synopsis: Watch movie Story : It was the darkest times in China, when ruthless warlords waged battles to satiate their endless aggression. Millions of lives were perished, and those who survived had only two choices – To kill or be killed. The battalions of warring states Liang and Wei collided in a bloodbath that lasted from dawn till dusk. Only two men were left standing – A FOOT SOLDIER from Liang (Jackie Chan) and the rival GENERAL from Wei (Wang Leehom). The soldier could survive because he’s an expert in playing dead, with a device strapped on his body that could protrude an arrowhead for added realism. The Soldier captured the wounded General, hoping to use the enemy as his exit – By handing the General to the Liang warlord, the Soldier could be honorably discharged and returned home to his peaceful life. The young General, though taken captive, was always condescending towards the Soldier. The two men were often at loggerheads during the long and winding journey. Along the way, they encountered a mesmerizing but scheming songstress, who drugged the duo and stole the General’s jade medallion, the only evidence of General’s identity. In the course of pursuit, they became entangled with a cohort of refugees who robbed all their food and water. To make their life even more complicated, they were stalked by a ferocious bear. The odd couple was forced to collaborate in order to survive one crisis after another.

 

Introduction:
With the boom of netbook (Google It) (Wikipedia), Microsoft (Google it) (Wikipedia) has no choice but to make an OS that don’t eat resources for breakfast like what Windows Vista (Google it) (Wikipedia) is doing. While Windows 7 (Google it) (Wikipedia) did improves on resources usage, most of us will continue to install the latest super jumbo application just to do some simple stuff, making the effort of Microsoft with Windows 7 goes into drain. The objective of this series of articles is to introduce free software that use little resources but still able to do the stuff that we want to do using more mainstream or paid software, and also to let you know some useful yet easy to execute tweaks for Windows and some software for a fast and smooth computing experience. Some of us will replace Windows Vista or Windows 7 with the old but resource light Windows XP (Google It) (Wikipedia) on their netbook, and some still using Windows XP in their old computer. This series of articles will cater to both Windows XP and Windows 7 users. If you are still using Windows Vista, please do yourself a favor, upgrade to Windows 7. An article is belong to this series of articles if the title starts with “Optimizing netbooks and old computers to run faster, for free

This post will be updated with the link to all the article in this series.

Anti-Virus – http://pip017.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!ACED21764E005A65!1113.entry
Web Browser – http://pip017.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!ACED21764E005A65!1202.entry

72 Tenants Of Prosperity (Google It) (Wikipedia)

I was prepared to get disappointed with this Chinese New Year (CNY) movie when my friend said that she want to watch this. All these years there’s only very few good CNY movies. Most CNY movies got released only to grab quick cash. But I was wrong. Not only this movie is funny with its own unique humor elements (instead of the usual Wong Jing’s stuff), it is executed in modern, open-minded setting, reflecting situation that we faced everyday (at least to me). And not to mention, but there a record of total 174 celebrites starred in the movie. Kudos to Eric Tsang (Google It) (Wikipedia) for producing and directing this great movie.

Synopsis –
Sworn brothers Ha Kung (Eric Tsang) and Shek Kin (Jacky Cheung) help a group of 72 evicted tenants in 1970s Hong Kong defeat their rapacious landlords, (Lam Ka Tung and Charmaine Sheh). After coincidentally rescuing Pinky (Anita Yuen) from a forced arranged marriage, both brothers fall for her. When they flip a coin for Pinky’s hand in marriage and Ha wins, the brothers become sworn enemies. Now 2010, Shek’s hatred has fueled an intense rivalry with Ha as they continue to clash through competing businesses on the busiest street in the city, which is still home to the original 72 tenants.

  

I want a new laptop to replace my 5 years old Acer TravelMate 3212 (Google It) (Wikipedia) that’s upgraded to 2GB of RAM.
It still functioning very well, even with
Windows 7 Ultimate (Google It) (Wikipedia) installed into it.

But now I have the urge to always carry a laptop with me wherever I go. I need something that is small, slim, light and has long battery life, an ultraportable laptop. It’s very cumbersome to always carry a 14 inch laptop around. I realized that I don’t really need a DVD drive in my laptop, thus I have considered for netbook like so many did. But netbook with Intel Atom (Google It) (Wikipedia) processor is just not powerful enough for my needs. Don’t get me wrong, I have a desktop computer that is powerful enough to do all the computing stuff that I want to do. I just hope that the new laptop is powerful or at least as fast as my current laptop. I want it to be able to run all the software that my current laptop can run. One of the software, a speech recognizer, is quite taxing the resources.

So let’s take a look of my current laptop performance and spec.:
Pentium M 740 (1.73 GHz)
2GB RAM
14.1 inch
1280×800 pixels screen resolution
3 hours average battery life

All those is easily comparable except the processor, by now we all know that higher the speed clock, does not means it got better performance, right? So let’s compare the performance of my current laptop’s processor with the latest Intel Atom N450 (Google It) (Wikipedia). From cpubenchmark.net:

Whoops… Looks like the latest Intel Atom used in most of the netbook is even slower than my 5 years old laptop

Ok then, what are my other options for a ultraportable?

I scouted around and found 2 models. Both is from Acer (Google It) (Wikipedia). Aspire 1410 (Google It) and Ferrari One (Google It). Both laptop have 11.6” 1366×768 LED backlighted LCD screen with similar spec except the processor, chipsets and graphics. Ferrari One has better graphics but I don’t want to game on an ultraportable laptop anyway. Aspire 1410 has Intel Celeron SU2300 (Google It) (Wikipedia) as it’s processor and Ferrari One has AMD Athlon X2 L310 (Google It) (Wikipedia). Let’s compare the processor performance again at cpubenchmark.net:

Intel Celeron SU2300 is twice faster than my current laptop’s Pentium M 740.
Surprisingly, Ferrari One which is more expensive (RM2199 at the moment) has a much slower processor. I guess the graphics and the Ferrari name do really cost…
Aspire 1410 do has the graphic capability to support Windows Aero (Google It) (Wikipedia), it’s Intel GMA 4500MHD (Google It) (Wikipedia) is more than enough for what I need. It even has a HDMI port and has a average battery life of 6 hours.
Currently priced at RM1499, the Aspire 1410 seems to be the best buy for me. As Intel Celeron SU2300 also support virtualization, upgrading the default 2GB to 4GB of RAM will be the best to run XP Mode in Windows 7 (Google It) (Wikipedia).

To see how much performance I have to sacrifice for portability, let’s compare Aspire 1410 with similar priced normal sized laptop, the 14.1 inch Aspire 4736z (Google It) which priced at RM1599. It has the Intel Pentium Dual-Core T4400 (Google It) (Wikipedia) as it’s processor. Again from cpubenchmark.net:

Aspire 4736z is 1.5x faster. But it only have 3 hours average battery life like most of the normal sized laptop. One cannot has everything I guess… I will have to sacrifice some performance for portability and long battery life.

Let’s take a look on what I can get for the money that I paid 5 years ago for my current laptop, RM3300. Let’s take a look at Acer TravelMate 6293 (Google It) and Acer TravelMate 8471G (Google It). Both priced at RM3388, and is thick because both have a DVD drive, both is heavy, weighted at 2KG, both have the average battery life of 6 hours. TravelMate 6293 has 12.1 inch screen and Intel Core2 Duo P8700 (Google It) (Wikipedia) as it’s processor while TravelMate 8471G has 14.1 inch screen and Intel Core2 Duo SU9400 (Google It) (Wikipedia). Unfortunately cpubenchmark.net does not has the listing for Intel Core2 Duo SU9400 (1.40GHz), so let’s compare with it’s nearest sibling: Intel Core2 Duo SU7300 (Google It) (Wikipedia):

While both laptop is faster (TravelMate 6293 is twice faster) than my favorite Aspire 1410, both is also twice pricier, almost twice thicker and heavier. TravelMate 8471G also has the same 14.1 inch bulkiness as my current laptop.

In my conclusion, Aspire 1410 is my choice for a laptop for now:
 

That is until Aspire 1420P (Google It) is out. Aspire 1420P is everything Aspire 1410 is, but with a tablet form factor and multi-touch screen:
 
Unfortunately, this laptop will be in the RM2000-RM2500 price range.

My Pain.

Synopsis
I’ve closed my ear to all of the people who are trying to advise me to not to be with her. I’ve binded my heart to accept who she is, and closed my heart to my friends and family to only concentrate on our love. I’ve gave her all the freedom that she wanted, tried my best to fulfill all of her request and be the person that she wanted me to be. I unable to tell her how great that I’ve regretted whenever I did silly mistakes to her when I were with her. As since we started, she never really wanted to acknowledge me as her boyfriend in front of her friends, never wanted to wear the ring that my mom selected for me and given to her, and I have to beg and get really angry just for her to confirm me in the FaceBook’s relationship status. My guess for all this is that she does not want others to know that she have me, as she still wants to have options. But as time has passed, my love towards her grows. I’ve loved her so much and committed too great. I’ve planned so far ahead in to the future. She always told me how much she loved me. She always told me how much she wanted to be with me. She always told me that she wanted to get engaged, took marriage photo and to get married fast. She told all this to her parent and relatives as well. I’ve tried my best to do so. She knew that I’ve done so much for her. She knew that I’ve gave up on my dream, worked so hard, saved so much and was about to buy a condo that she liked, so that we can live together. She knew that I’m going to help her to pay for her car loan together once she saved enough for the down-payment. She knew that I might even going to pay for the down-payment for her car. She knew that once all this is accomplished, I’m gonna marry her… My mom even planned to buy her a medical card, told me that once we are married, she will come clean our future house, take care of our future child and even pay for her study loan so that we would not be tight financially… However, only now I realized that actually all that she has always wanted, is to go out to play, have fun without limit and to enjoy herself with absolute freedom… For this, she has chosen to betray our love. She has chosen to betray our trust. She has chosen to discard and drop all of our plans. She has chosen to lie to her family. She has chosen to flirt around and continue to lie to me repeatedly even though I’ve forgiven her again and again. She has chosen to wear a green hat on to my head. She have chosen to offer herself and listen to the indian boy’s sweet talk, have fun with him and the bunch of pig dog friends that she have only knew for 3 months, over an almost 4 years relationship. She have chosen to neglect her job and go out to play hard everyday until past midnight, than to be a decent person, have a happy family and loving husband… After 4 years, I thought that I knew her well, but in fact, I knew nothing at all. My heart is so broken and wouldn’t be mended anymore… Now I can only hope that she’ll be happy with what that she have chosen. Hope… that he is true to her and will treat her even better than me, even though I know that he is not a good man. As a good and decent man will surely not going to fool around with his GF feeling and in the same time court and sweet talk with another person’s GF. If he treats her bad… Good luck to her on finding another person who can truly loves her for what she is, drop and ignore everything but her, can accommodate her future request, and be able to plan so far ahead in to the future with her…
Part 1: The Story
One day almost 5 years ago, 8 months after I have broke with my first ex, I received an ICQ message from this one girl, asking for chat. So I replied as I normally do. From ICQ, we slowly moved to SMS, until about 3 months later, we exchanged around 5 SMS everyday. And we finally decided to meet, I still remember that day we meet, 14th Feb 2006, it’s valentine day. I bought some chocolate teddy bear for her. The first impression that i have for her is that her looks is below average, and her body is average. But as we started to went out more often, I slowly thought that she is the ONE. And then I finally make the move to hold her hand. She did not reject it…
 
We started to date frequently, until one years after that, she started to come overnight at my house frequently (I live with my parent) and I always went to her rented room and to her hometown at another state. All went well until the beginning of the third year of our relationship, she keep telling me that she wanted to get married fast, or at least to be engaged. I started to get serious in this relationship, I started to care more about her, and as I just got a well paid job that time, I tried my best to provide for her. As she is from a family that have financial difficulties and she still studying, I gave her few hundred ringgit almost every month as her pocket money, sometimes pay for her room rental and reload her phone credit. During this time, I did some mistake too…
 
Got few times she is late for date until one day that I’m supposed to fetch her, when I reached her place, I called her and she said she is coming down, and I have waited for half hour, then only she come down. I asked her why she dun gimme a call if she have something need to be done first, she said she need to chat with her housemate first…, I become angry and scolded her. Regretted that… And my job is very stressful, so sometime when she came to my house, I asked her to do her stuff, go online or watch movie, while I busy with my stuff; I’ve ignored her… Regretted that as well. I started to go out less with her, I preferred to just stay at home with her. Deeply regretted this. (I think this is the main reason she dumped me and when off with the indian boy) But all these time, I did stuff behind her, stuff that can show my love for her indefinitely…
 
After 2 years in to the relationship, she started to always said that she wanted to get married fast. I told her to wait until she finish her study and that’s the time I started to get serious in the relationship. I tried my best to save as hard as possible to marry her once she finished her study. I seldom go out with my friends anymore and bought less stuff. I always went to her hometown and meet with her family and relatives. I always gave her some pocket money, reload her phone, paid almost everything when we go shopping/eating and sometime even paid her room rental. I bought few phone for her and a PSP because she wanted it. Whenever her sister and relative need a computer, I even dig up my own money to pay for parts that is needed because the money that they paid me to buy the computer is not enough. I bought it from KL to her hometown and helped to setup the computer. She complained that her laptop is slow, I salvaged my own laptop, bought the best part to upgrade her laptop as high as limited by the laptop’s spec. When her brother’s laptop go boinked, I took it to be repaired and paid to change the motherboard TWICE, and finally I bought a high-end cooler master laptop cooler for her brother’s laptop to prevent it form overheating again. When she is sick (she always sick), my mom bought medicine for her, make soup for her to drink, bought toiletries for her. We treated her as one of our family, not just a normal GF anymore. She always told me how much she loved me, told me that she rather die first before me so that she dun need to suffer from losing me etc etc. All went so fine until after she graduated 4 months ago…
 
I found out that she started to flirt and wink wink people via an application in Facebook. I dun really care about it that time (how stupid am I…) And she got to know this bunch of pig dog friends when she started to play basketball at a court near her rented room 4 months ago. I thought that they just normal friends to her. But on graduation day, the indian that is on that group of friends came, just for her graduation! (That time I still dun feel anything is wrong). I really treated him as a friend, even took pictures with him! (Not really care about him chatting with her, because her family came from her hometown for the graduation, so i have to look and take care of her family first). I NEVER HAVE THOUGHT THAT SHE WILL DUMP ME FOR THAT INDIAN THAT TIME! After graduated, she always go out with the bunch of pig dog friends EVERYDAY, sometime until early morning, which I’m really dun like it and have talked with her for it. She promised to give me more time instead of them, and will try to not go out so late. But the promises is just empty promises. She continue to do that, and that is the time I started to feel something is wrong. She seldom want to call me and come to my house anymore. One month after she graduated, she got a job near the place where the bunch of pig dog friends is living. She wanted to move to their house into an empty room. Initially I do not agreed to it, I told her that she can stay with me and I’ll let her to drive my car to work. But after some discussion with my mom and her parent, it’s decided that she move to there to so that it’s convenience for her. But she can only move in 2 months later (November 2009) because there’s still occupant in the room that she going to rent. So I let her to use my car for 2 MONTHS to go to her workplace, until she can move in. During these 2 months, many unpleasant thing happened to us, or at least to me coz she seems to not care about our relationship anymore…
Just one week after she started to work, I found out that she lied to me that she went to her company event at Genting, but in fact, she went to MLTR concert with a boy! I’m farken angry that time, hinted at her to let me know the truth but she cant get my hint, until I told her in da face that I knew what she did. She cried, talked to her mom and kneel to me asking for forgiveness. KNEEL man… Whose heart wont melt??? Somemore I loved her and I dun want a 4 years relationship to go kaput, I forgiven her. Never thought that all that is just her Oscar acting… After that, everything seems to be ok again and I tried to forgot that she lied to me. That month she asked for RM600 for her expenses and room rental. As usual I just gave it to her, as usual I reload her phone, as usual I paid for everything that we eat and everything that she bought, washed the car that she never bother to clean and pump full the petrol tank whenever it got almost empty for her, to drive my car. Now when I think back, I feel so stupid…
3 weeks after the first time I found out that she lied to me, on the mooncake festival day, I found out that she lied to me again. That day is Saturday and we are supposed to go to her grandma’s house at Pahang. She have told me that she will fetch me (because she still farken driving my car that time) around 12pm because she need to go to her office for a while. I started calling her on 11:30am until 12:45pm. She never turn on the phone. I became so worried. Finally around 1pm, the phone rings but she never pickup the call! I keep on calling and then found out that SHE IS NOT IN HER OFFICE AT ALL! Finally she call back around 2:15pm. I calmly answer the call, asked her what happened, she told me that she is having meeting with her boss in the office and is on the way to my house… I become so angry. Once she reach my house, I hinted to her that I knew the truth. She pretended like nothing, she even farken told me what they have discussed in the meeting and showed me some work that she have done there. Her acting is so REAL! Then I told her directly that I knew she is not in her office, she keep on denying it. Finally I show her how I got to know that she is not in her office. Then only she told me that actually she went to karaoke with her friends (i wont be able to know she is telling the truth or not this time). Again she cried and beg and want to kneel to me. I asked her why she wanted to lie to me again. She said she scared that I will got mad and angry. WTF… Does she think by lying to me, I wont get angry??? I’m so angry that time, shouted at her and told her that I duwan to go to her grandma home anymore. She keep begging me to go with her. Unbeknown to me, my tears fell, for the first time since primary school.
She keep saying that it wont happen again, she wont lie to me again and she will do whatever it takes to earn back my trust. To cut long story short, finally I followed her to her grandma home to celebrate mooncake festival and her grandma birthday. I’m so angry and frustrated that she keep on lying to me but still I have to pretend and act in front of her grandma, relative and her parent that we are ok and very happy together. Finally back home, again she told me that she will do whatever it takes for me to be able to trust on her again. She said will turn on video call, takes pictures on wherever she go etc etc. With that sweet talk, I’ve forgiven her again, continue to let her to drive my car. I thought that she will insaf this time and will not lie to me again, but I’m so so so wrong…
 
A week after that, as usual I called her, but she did not turn on the phone, until after noon, she called back and told me that she is sick, so she skipped work. And a day after that, I found out that she reach office only around 10:40am, but she told me she reached there 9:57am! She said she can show me the punch card if I don’t believe her… I dunno what to do that time. Decided to keep quite and duwan to pursuit it further because I thought that it’s just a small lie, nothing important… I’m so stupid… She started to care less about me, always talk about the boy and that bunch of pig dog friends, come lesser and lesser to my house and see me, only during weekends when the car drained out of petrol and I have pump it full. I became so worried, talked to her about it, she promised to see and give me more time, which she never did. She keep hanging out with the boy and the bunch of friends. I started to get more worried, that she might leave me once she are able to move the the new room and do not need to use my car anymore. But she still ask me to go to her hometown and she acted like we are very happy in front of her family and relative, so I dun think so much about it. Cant believe that she have changed to be like this. Just 2 months ago, before she graduated, she always wanted to see me, always wanted to come to my house, always wanted me to accompany her. Always told me how much she loved me, how much she wanted to be with me, how much she wanted to get married with me… I’m too so hou amat sangat many such much とても stupid, never realize that she might be acting and cheating me all the while… On the day she is moving to the new room, I became so very much とても angry…
 
That day when she supposed to move to the new room (the room where most of her pig dog friends lived), she was supposed to come fetch me (she was still using my car that time) to help her move. She said will reach my house at 12pm. I called her before that, again she switch off her phone, until she call back by 12:20pm, told me she went to breakfast with that bunch of pig dog friends! I’m so angry that time! She told me she will take one hours, will reach my house by 1:15pm. I waited until 2:30pm!!! I’m so mad but I still pretended like nothing. We reach her room, she started to pack her stuff, I said I want to help, she said it’s ok, do not let me to touch her stuff. I just sit there do nothing… While she was packing, she keep receiving sms and calls from her pig dog friends… Finally they decided to go eat steamboat that night. She asked me whether I want to follow or not. I was so happy that she invited me, I thought that finally she want to acknowledge me and bring me to see her friends and that I have the chance to get to know her friends more. Of course I agreed even thought I was supposed to meet my friends yamcha. Then she continue to pack, replying sms and taking calls form her pig dog friends… Suddenly she told me not to go steamboat with her anymore…
 
She asked me to go back home, and to come back to fetch her once she finish eating. WTF… I’m so mad, I die die also want to go. Talked with her for this for one hour, finally she let me go with her. She cannot finish packing her stuff when it’s the time we have to go for steamboat. Once we meet with her friends, her face changed to black. The whole time she seems like not happy and angry. And I noticed that the boy keep looking at her! After steamboat, we went to another place to have a drink. While we walking, I tried to hold her hand… She pushed it off!!! I’m so farken angry! But I dun show my angryness, just keep quite. Coz it’s already 2:30am and her friends is there. Then they decided to go hiking on the next day. I thought that either she will follow me back home or we will go hiking together. But she asked me to go back home first, she and her friends will go hiking and me to come back the next day to fetch her to continue pack her stuff and move house! FARK! But still I control my anger. Once I reached home at 3:40am, I called her. I told her that I’m angry, unhappy, that she have changed. She cried again and keep saying that she has not changed, that she only loved me, that we are going to get married no matter what. SHE WAS CRYING WHILE SHE SAYING ALL THIS SHEET! Ok then I forgave her again. I asked her to calm down, sleep well and go hiking with her friends, and I will go to her house to finish move her stuff to her new room. I THOUGHT WE WILL BE FINE AGAIN BUT THE NEXT DAY WHEN I WAKE UP…
 
I woke up at 10:30am, by 11am I ready to go to her house, called her so many times until 11:30am, her phone is switched off AGAIN! Then I decided to go to her house. When I reach there, her housemate said she is not there and she did not follow them go hiking!!! Where could she be? I then went to her old house, her old housemate also said she never went back that night! I then called her parents, they also dunno where she is and she have not called them since few days ago… I started to get very worried, I SMS her. I tapau lunch to eat and wait at her old house. Until 2pm, a message delivery come in indicated that she received the message I sent to her. I immediately call her, she said she is on the way back from a town. I immediately scold her and ask her that is she went to the boy’s place, she denied it, said she went to her cousin place, told me that she will reach her house soon. So I waited in front of her house. Once she reach, I ask her how the hell 4am in the morning she went there and why she switch off the phone. She said her cousin come fetch her, and that she switch off the phone because she want to hide from everybody. She show me a haircut chopcard to prove me that she went to cut hair with her cousin. She said after the phone call yesterday, she called her cousin to chat, and her cousin come to consult her. She said she is very disappointed that I thought that she went to the boy place. I feel so sorry so I apologized and we continue to pack her stuff. As we packing, her family called her, she told them the same, that she want to hide herself, want to be alone to think for herself…
So we packed, moved everything except some of her clothes to her new room. Once we reached there, the boy and the bunch of pig dog friends already waiting her at the apartment… Right after all her stuff is moved in, she asked me to go home first. I told her that I want stay longer, want to accompany her longer, she said it will be inconvenience for me to stay there because the apartment is small and all of her friends is there… I’m sad and angry, but I listened to her and went back, want to respect her, thought that maybe I’m really too controlling and restricting her to make friends. That night, I called her and again I told her that I felt that she stop caring for me anymore, again she cried said that I’m the only one, that she just change to a new environment, that maybe she still need some time to just herself… She asked me to not meet her for the time being, she said that she want some time for herself to think for herself. When I heard that, I already heart broken, but still I consult myself that she really wanted some time to think for herself. So I purposed that we dun contact each other for 3 or 6 months to see how thing goes. She cried again said that she still want me to call and wlm her everyday, that if we lost contact, she will very miss me. So for few days after that, I continue call her to see how she is doing, found out that she still continue to go out with them until late midnight in the morning EVERYDAY! I became angry again and I told her that I dun like her to go out so late, she cried again, and told me that weekend she will go back to hometown to consult her parents about our issues. I asked, but she duwan me to follow her back this time. But that weekend, she never go back hometown, giving excuse that her uncle is not free to fetch her back, so she follow her friends go out again! And she told me that she will go back hometown the next weekend…
 
But on the second day of the week, I cannot tahan, I wanted to see her, asked her whether I can come to see her or not. She said maybe she got go out with her friends again, need to ask her friend first. I was like, WTF, is going out with your friends that you see everyday is more important that meeting your BF that already 1 week plus no meet??? I hangup the phone and sent a sms to her, asking her to go enjoy with her friends and wishing luck in the future. (SMS sounded like I’m gonna break with her). She immediately called, but I’m unable to pickup the call. So she sent a SMS to me asking me to not break with her, that I promised to marry her so why I’m breaking up with her… 15 minutes later I called back her. She cried, said that she duwan to break up. I apologized, told her that it’s because I felt that her heart do not have me anymore. She said she still love me and care about me… I told her that I’m gonna come to her place to see her, but she duwan me to come, said she want to calm down alone. But that night and nights after that, she still keep on going out with her friends but duwan to see me, giving excuse that she want to be alone to calm down…
 
Until that weekend, when she supposed to go back hometown, but she did not, her excuse this time is her company got many thing to do and is very tired. (but she still can go out until so late every night? wtf!) That Sunday I die die also want to go to her place, she agreed, initially said can come by 5pm, I asked why not earlier, she said she want to follow her friends fo KLCC… I told her I can find her at KLCC, she said no, ask me to just wait… So I reach her place by 5pm, she only back by 6pm, with THAT BOY TOGETHER! She told me that her other friends have gone to another friend’s home! So we go up to her room, me and her alone inside her room and the boy is outside the room… I asked her what happened and is there anything I need to do. She cried, said that there’s nothing wrong, that she just want sometime to be alone. FxxK! I cannot stand she crying, so I go hug her and kiss her cheek (she still give me to hug and kiss her…), told her that I will give her all the time she need, but inside my body, my heart is already broken into pieces… Around 8pm, she ask me to go back, that she need to do her work. I asked her to accompany me eat dinner, she said she is busy… Then I went back, once I’m back I called her, she said she with her friends and the boy went out to eat dinner… I was like, why the fark she can go eat dinner with her friends but not me??? My heart is so painful that time.
 
2 days later as per normal I called her during lunch time. Before all this sheet happened, usually she is the one who always ask whether I love her or not, but that day I’m the one who asked, because I felt that our love is fading. She cant answer it. I keep on bugging her to answer, finally she told me that we are better off to just become good friends. My heart is so broken, I asked and keep bugging her to tell me what happened. She unable to answer it. I told her that I must go see her that night no matter what. I told her that I’m gonna call her parent to ask for advise, she scold me not to disturb her family anymore. I’m so shocked that she actually told me to not disturb her family. Then I asked her for the boy’s number because he and she is so close, must know something. She ask me to not disturb her friend as well. I keep bugging her for it, finally she give me. I called her family’s house phone, her father pickup the phone. I told him what happened and asked him what should I do. He said that why am I and her told him different things. (I dunno what she have told her father.) He told me that everybody need some space to make friends, tell me not to so restrict her. (WHAT? I seldom see her anymore and she always go out with her pig dog friends until morning, do u know what???). I cant think of anything that time, just "Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh." to whatever that her father told me. Then I called the boy and asked what happened…
 
I called the boy, asked him whether he know what happened to her or not. He told me that she with him now. He pretended to want to me listen to her voice on his phone, but there’s no sound and I knew that she is not actually with him. Then he told me that they have been together for some times already. My heart is so broken. I asked him why he have a GF already still want to do this. He said that he already "settled" with his GF. Some how I felt that his GF doesn’t know anything at all… After we hang up the phone, I cannot control my emotion anymore, asked for immediate emergency leave from my boss and went straight back home. My tears cant stop falling. Half-way to home, he called, said that he want to meet me before I go meet her later that night. I unable to control my sadness and anger, asked him why he did that, why that I was going to treat him as friend but he betray me, he said that we can still be friends and we can still hangout. (Only a moron will still hangout with him.) He told me that I did not take good care of her, must take care of the smaller details of her as well because she is a girl. (I never bother to tell him what I’ve done for her – what’s the point anymore?) He also said that they have give me many chance, but I keep calling her and disturb her (Stupid boy, which BF dun call his girl to know how she is doing? This is called CARE, not DISTURB. Will you always call an auntie to know how she is doing? You fool.) and he said that she actually wanted to tell me 2 days ago on Sunday. He also said that actually she still loves me but I have done many things to hurt her. (Like what? You fool. What did I do to hurt her?) I unable to think, talk and reply to all of his "excuses". My mind is so empty, feel like wanna go die. I told him that if he still wanna talk, I will call back him after I reach home. He said no need, he will call me back after 5pm to go to a place to discuss before we meet her, asked me to not turn off the phone. I reach home 2:30pm, called one of my best friend and told him about my sheet, asked him to accompany me to meet the boy later, luckily my friend is free to accompany me. I called my mom to tell her about this sheet, she is surprised, straight back to home to see me, saw me crying, she also cried for me. I told her all the sheet, she advised me to not meet her and the boy because it’s pointless already. But I still want to meet them…
 
My friend reach my home around 5pm. He is my friend since primary school. During primary school, I always cry, even for nothing. He is very shocked to see me crying again after so long time, because after all these years I have turned into a very calm, stable and serious person (or so he said…). Shortly, the boy called me, asked me to go to the Old Town cafe near my place because he said he know I like that place because I always bring my ex to Old Town. I feel that he so stupid but unable to voice it out. The fact is I dun really like to eat at Old Town. The reason that I always went there with my ex is because she always wanna go there to eat. She is the one who like that place. That boy dun even know what my ex like or dun like! So we went to Old Town, waited until 5:15pm, I called him, he said his place is very jammed, ask me to come to his place at one of the mamak stall to meet there instead. We already sited and ordered stuff, I quickly go to counter to cancel the order, then I asked my friend to drive me to his place. We reach there around 5:35pm. My friend paid the parking and we sit at the mamak but we have not ordered yet. And I called him again. He said he is waiting my ex to finish work, said that if it’s possible, then I come to my ex place there, if not, then I can just go home as there’s nothing really need to talk about, just want to show me that they are together already… Watafak is this? First he want me to meet him to discuss before I meet with my ex. Now he said there’s nothing really to discuss? Farken sheet~! I guess that my ex has told him something about this already… I told him I’m coming. My friend drove me to my ex place, reached there about 5:50pm. We sit at a restaurant and my friend order some food and is eating the food, then he called, said that they are at a mamak stall nearby, ask me to come. That was around 6:15pm. My friend still haven finish the food, I told my friend that I’m going, ask him to just wait me. He told me to wait until he finish his food and he will go with me. I ignored him and went to pay for the food and then walk to the mamak stall. My friend looked at me, shocked that I did that, it’s not like me at all to do that. My friend stop eating his food and run to catch me, following me to the mamak… We reached the mamak, saw my ex with a drink and the boy with his roti canai…
 
We sit down and ordered a drink, the boy quickly finish his roti canai and paid for all the stuff that we’ve ordered, he want to move to another table. He said he want me and my ex to talk alone. I asked him to just sit and talk, since this is between the 3 of us. He sit down again, but my friend have moved to a table behind me. I only managed to ask him why, he said that he and my ex have more common thing and found out that they are compatible to each other. He then moved to the same table as my friend were, left me and my ex alone to talk. (Later I found out that it’s my friend who ask the boy to come over to the table.)
Me and my ex alone sitting on the table. I asked her why, she can only said sorry to me, said that it’s not my fault, it’s she who have changed heart. I told her if I know this is gonna happened, I wont let her to move to her new place. She keep quite, her face show that she is sorry and wanted to cry. My eyes is watery but not crying. I asked her why is that she keep asking me to get engaged with her and marry her then she did this sheet to me, she said that if we are engaged, this wont happened. I quickly cut her crap and told her that if we got engaged already, we will have to go divorce now. Again she said she’s sorry, then said to me that she is very thankful that I took care of her all these years… The following 2 hours can be summarized with a video that I have made:
My eyes is watery all this while. She only know how to say sorry. until about 8pm, it started to rain. The mamak came to our table to collect money, I told him that we have already paid. I told my ex that this is the last time I will see her and talk to her anymore. She started to cry, she said she duwan to lost contact, she said that we can still be a good friend. (She think I will still be the moron for her.) I told her that it’s impossible for us to be friends already, I told her that I want to totally forget her, so I have to do this. She cried and said ok, said that she want to respect my decision. We woke up, I walk to my friend and the boy walk to her. I tapped the boy’s shoulder and told him to take good care of her, he said he will. That time, I dun really care about anything anymore. We went inside the mamak shop for a while to get cover from the small rain. Then she walked to me. As she walking toward me, I told her to just go to the boy and care for him, dun care about me anymore. She keep standing there. Me and my friend walk away, to my friend’s car. Once I’m in the car. I saw her walking with the boy, to her apartment. That is the time my tear burst.
 
While my friend driving me back to my home, I called my mom, while crying, I told her all the thing that happened. My mom cried for me, told me to quickly come back. I cried for a while in the car, my friend is so shocked seeing me like this. I told him that I’m so sorry and embarrassed to let him see me like this. He keep his cool and said it’s nothing lar. Then I called her mom, and while crying, I told her what happened. Her mom said that my mom already called her and told her what happened. She keep asking me to forgive her daughter, that maybe she kena black magic or something. She said she knew her daughter well, that her daughter wont do stuff like that, that she always took our picture to see and found out that our face is very alike. I told her that it’s impossible, that my ex and the boy have clearly told me about this sheet, and I can accept the fact that she changed her heart, just wanted to call her mom for some last words. Her mom keep insisting that she just kena black magic, told me to dun think to much, told me that she will see and advise my ex and will make her wake up from the black magic, then ask me to forgive my ex again if I still love her. She told me that I can ignore her talk if I do not love her daughter anymore. She told me that my ex will back hometown again that weekend, and will gimme a call once she talked with my ex. She sounded like duwan to continue the conversation, sounded like she going to burst into tears, she told me not to think so much and wait for her call. We hang up the phone. Moments later, me and my friend reached my home.
 
My mom was at home. I cant stop crying, my mom and my friend keep advising me, I saw my mom eyes was red. I feel so sorry for her. I keep asking them why this happened to me, what I did until my ex dumped me for another. My mom told me that it’s normal for a girl to change once she started to work, told me to just let it go. She saw many girls act like this before. My mom told me that she have called my ex’s mom to tell her that we have broke, that she have another indian boy, that she is not under my care anymore, that anything happened to her, is not my responsible anymore. I told my mom that I knew she called my ex’s mom because I called ex’s mom as well. My mom told me that my ex’s mom keep on crying non-stop while talking on the phone and hearing that my mom cried along too…
When it’s about 10:35pm, my friend went back home, he have to work the day after that. My mom asked me whether I’m able to work the next day or not, I’m not sure. She MSNed me, wrote that she is so sorry, that she disappointed her parents and disappointed my mom. I did not reply back but instead I posted a status message on FaceBook; "Bye world…", then I bathed and straight go to bed, drink a can of my father’s royal stout in one shot. Face and body feel so hot. I’m crying while lying on da bed…
 
The next day I woke up on time to work, but I’m so sad and my heart so pain. I SMS my boss to tell him that I’m unable to work, wanted to take Emergency Leave. Shortly, he replied that it’s OK. I continue to lie on the bed, until 9am, I went to living room and lie on the sofa, my mom was getting ready to go to work, but she stop and sit beside me, and talk to me, told me to just let it go. I cant stop crying. Seeing me crying, my mom cried again. She told me to not think so much, that I’ll be fine after all the crying, but dun cry too long… Around 10:40am, while my mom is consulting me, my ex called…
 
She called from work, said she saw my FaceBook status. I was crying and my mom is looking at me. I told my ex that I wont do stupid thing like killing myself, that my mom is with me, she will take care of me. My ex keep on repeating that she is sorry. She said she want to come to my house that night. I shouted at her, not to come anymore. I duwan to see her and that boy come together, what is the point anymore? I asked her why she want to come, is it to make me sadder? I told her that if there’s nothing more, I will hang up the phone (That time I’m still so stupid, hoping that she will said that she will come back to me, like she always said it me). I repeated to her many times that if there’s nothing more to talk, I will hang up the phone. She keep quite, until she told me that her boss want to see her already, I straight away hangup the phone. The whole conversation is around 10 minutes and that is the last time I’ve spoken to her (2 months already). I cried, cannot stop. My mom see me, she cried along, told me to rest well, and dun think so much already. She left for her work 15 minutes later. I lie on the bed for whole day, thinking about stupid stuff.
 
For the following few days after that, I went to work, cried in the office, cried in the toilet, cried while eating lunch and cried while going and coming back from work. Nobody saw me cry though…
 
That weekend, I knew she went back to her hometown. Her mom promised me that she will ask my ex about it and will call me back. But she does not call me back. I waited until Tuesday, I cant stop myself to call her mom. Once her mom received my call, she immediately told me that my ex have no new boy, that she just need some time alone because she is filled up with works (somehow, I’m not really sure anymore that she is telling the truth or already prepared to tell me all this lies). Is a job that just started for 2 months is more important that a BF that is already been together for 4 years? I didn’t want to tell her that actually there’s not many work at my ex’s job, that after work, she will hang out with her pig dog friends until morning every farken day. Let my ex to lie to her family as well I dun really care anymore. I asked her how does my ex went back to hometown that weekend. She told me that it’s her uncle who fetch her, not a boy, ask me not to think so much. I told her that my ex really have a new boy, she sounded like she don’t believe it. Then I told her and remind her that her daughter and the boy already face to face talked to me about their sheet… She said she might go out to my ex place to check it out. I told her that I have no hope anymore, thanked her for all the care that her family gave to me while I was at her house, and apologized that I cant be her son-in-law anymore. She sounded like she wanted to cry, told me to keep in touch with her as we have been together for 4 years after all. I said that I will, but in my heart, I wont do that anymore. She quickly finish the conversation and hang up the phone. That is the last time I spoke with any of her family…
Part 2: What happened next…
Even after few days later, I still unable to control my emotion. I cried everytime when I’m alone, even at office toilet to take a leak, while eating lunch/dinner, while driving alone, while taking bath, while sitting on the sofa, while lying on the bed to sleep…
 
A week after the last conversation with my ex’s mom, I knew that something happened to her laptop again and I knew exactly what is the problem as well. She MSN me, asking how am I doing. I knew that (or I think I knew that) she is actually trying to ask me to fix her laptop… I ignored her message. The following day, again she MSN me the same thing, again I ignored it. In my heart, I was like "Farken slut, got problem only know want to find me settle, ask ur farken new pimp BF to solve it for you la". It’s the first time in our relationship that I feel so disgusting for my ex. A day following that, she changed her MSN personal message (I still have not delete and block her that time…) to tell that she have the problem with her laptop.
 
I told my problem to few of my best friend. One of them is my night class friend (10 years older than me). He told me that he broke with his ex few years ago (ex have a baby with another man) and he too, cant take it and cant stand the sadness. With his relatives help, he went to New Zealand and stayed alone, to start a new life a fresh. He said once he reach there, he can forgot almost everything, facing the new calm life and new calm environment, he feels stronger and learned to love himself. He said initially he planned to stay at New Zealand forever, but he meet a girl there… They have been together for a year and the girl have to go back to her country because her passport and permit is going to expire. He invited her to Malaysia, but unfortunately the girl don’t really like Malaysia, and it’s inconvenience for him to move and stay at the girl’s country, there will be no job for him. It’s one of the reason he joined this night class too… (Not sure whether I should continue his story or not… He teaches me many stuff such as investing on stuff and controlling the investing myself, not through some bank or broker or 3rd party. We quickly become good friend and I have the highest respect for him. He do influence me a lot and I will mention him again in my story later…) He told me, seeing that I’m so sad and un-lively, like a dead fish, he asked me to try to go oversea to experience new taste of life. He told me he got relatives at New Zealand, said he will arrange everything for me, including accommodation and work, if I wanted to go to New Zealand.
 
I have consulted my friends and parents. Some of my friends said I should go to experience new stuff, some of them asked me to not be stupid to let go everything here for a slut… My mom let me go, my dad did not said anything about this, but from my mom, I know that my dad really don’t want me to go.
 
But that time, everything I do, everywhere I go and anything that I see, I think of her. Everything I do, I will thought that I have done this before with her. Everywhere I go, I will thought that I have went there before with her. Everything I see, I will thought that I have saw it before wit her. It’s so depressing staying at the same place doing the same thing, but this time without her. I really wanted to go somewhere else.
 
So one day, I send a message to my boss to tell him that I need a very long holiday and vacation, asked him what is the procedure and told him that I will resign if I have to. He replied back said wanna meet me face to face to discuss, to know what happened for me to take such decision…
 
My boss is a divorced, he have 2 kids with his ex-wife, and his ex-wife is working in the same company. For me, he and his ex-wife looks like the perfect couple, I really dun understand why they have to divorced.
 
We meet later that week at pantry. He asked, am I already determined to go, or just thinking to go. I told him that I’m thinking to go. He asked, is my family is sick or something, I keep quite, then said no… He then asked me what happened to me, why I need a long vacation. I told him that I want to go New Zealand to clear up my mind. He asked me what happened. I only told him that I have my personal problem. My eyes got red and watery, tears cant stop flowing. He somehow can guess what is my problem. He told me that we are man, not woman. Man face the problem, woman run away from the problem. He told me his story. He told me that he and his ex-wife had married for 5 years and got 2 kids, suddenly he found out that she wanted to marry another man. My boss asked me to try to put myself in his position, imagine how he feel that time. He told me that he needed 3 months to stop being emotional. He changed job, changed from a high position to a low position and start over at the new company (the company that we are in now, but somehow, his ex-wife are in the same company now…). He told me soon after that, his parent is sick, and need many money, he told me, even though his salary seems to be high, every month he have nothing left. (He used to treat all of us pizza or KFC every month, but not anymore since a year ago…). He told me, life is like that, sometime we face difficulties, we might though that we cannot face it, want to runaway, but just try to face it, dun just because a problem, we let go everything including family and friends. Once we overcome the problem, we will be a stronger man. He told that when he got the problem that time, his friends advised him to try to have more faith in our religion, that if we rarely pray, maybe this is the good time to start praying. So he told me to try to seek salvation in our religion, be it Muslim, Christian or Buddhist, doesn’t matter, because no religion will teaches us to give up on our problems. He told me that he believes in karma…
 
He told me to think about this again, and that I can find him to talk about anything if I feel wanted to do so. I really respect my boss. Despite watching my tears flow non-stop, he still can be so calm and talk to me so much stuff. Once I’m back to my cubicle, I message him everything that happened to me. He told me to stay strong…
 
My boss is a really wise man. He somehow knows about my dream. Few days later, he sent me to go for a training. It’s might not really able to reach to my dream, but I see it as a step closer to my dream, no matter how small the step is. I’m really grateful for him to send me for the training, I’ve shown great interest on it and hopefully I can do the best after the training. This time, I really wanna to be able to reach to my dream, after being restricted by my ex, that I have thought to just give up on my dream and settle with her here forever…
 
On my birthday, she sent me a SMS, wishing me to be happy always. I wanted to reply to her; how am I going to be happy after wasted 4 years of my youth for a fake hope? But at last, I did not reply to it. I feel that there’s no point for me to reply anymore.
 
Few days later, she finally changed her relationship status on her FaceBook to single, but not in relationship with the boy. I dunno what I’m thinking, feel angry and sad, I posted a message to my FaceBook; that she finally changed the status and that she waited so long to do it because she scared her family and friends to know the truth…
 
I dunno what the fark I’m thinking, posted the synopsis part of my story to FaceBook and LYN.net
 
I tried to do new stuff. I started to travel around city and take christmas pictures around the city, but I offered myself to work on Christmas day…
By this time, I cried less, only cried when I’m writing this story. I dun feel suicidal anymore.
 
My night class friend invited me to go karaoke, told me that he is going to intro me to a girl. At first, I dun really wanna go, though that all the while, he just joking with me when he told me that he will intro me girls… He told me that the girl is from the same country with his GF, come to Malaysia to work at the same company with his GF. After some serious thinking, I was like; what the heck, fark it. I dun have a GF anymore, what’s wrong for me to go karaoke with my friend and a bunch of girls? It’s not like I’m going for a blind date or sex party or something. And I know from my friend that she got a BF already, just that her BF is at another country. I told myself, maybe it’s the time for me to get over of my sheet and start to get to know more people, make more friends. Some more by making friends with my friend’s GF and with the girl, it’s actually a little small step closer to my dream. I have nothing to lose. So I agreed to my friend to go karaoke with them.
 
So 2 days later, on 27th of December 2009, (the day that I shall not forget.) I meet with the girl. Only 4 of us went for the karaoke. Me, my friend, his GF and the girl. She is 3 years younger than me, but she look matured. She is everything that my ex is not. She is almost as tall as me, has a average body but has a very calm face and attitude. She is quiet and very polite. She looks cool, rarely smile, but when she does, her smile is really sweat… Admittedly I’m attracted to her.
 
To respect the girl, I’m not gonna to go into the details on what happened at the karaoke lounge, it just a normal outing.
We have meet again on the new year eve, with my friend and his GF and we went to KLCC to watch fireworks. (Dun wanna go into detail for this as well…)
That’s the only 2 times I’ve meet her. Thanks to her and my friend who intro her to me, I slowly able to forget my ex.
As now, I dun feel sad anymore, maybe just a little bit pity for not able to turn the relationship with my ex into magic that sparkle forever…
I’m now able to continue to pursuit my dream, and I will make sure it will be realized this time.
This is the end of my story, for real this time.
 
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